It’s been a while since I blogged and often I conclude that I don’t have anything of interest to say. However, I’ve had a number of comments asking how I am and so I thought I would give you an update with apologies to those who’ve heard the information many ties before.

The battle for normal blood sugar has been won but it leaves me injecting insulin each day for the present. The three injections of interferon each week carry on relentlessly and the side effects vary from very little to more significant. Indeed over the past couple of weeks I’ve experienced nausea in a way I’d not experience it before. The fatigue continues unabated. And I can’t get through most days without a nap, (I know some of you are saying, so what’s new, but somehow this is different) However, I have much to be thankful for. Recently we were introduced t to a website dealing specifically with melanoma patients. When I read the experiences of folk who had the exact same treatment as me, I realize that despite what I am experiencing, God has protected me in remarkable ways. I know it is trite, but we take one day at a time and I am eternally grateful both for the protection of God and the gift of my amazing wife who manages to always be there. Some have enquired how much longer the treatment lasts well we have done 5 of 12 months and are scheduled to finish in December 2010!

The church continues to be unceasingly supportive and encouraging and by God’s grace, I’ve not had to miss a Sunday’s preaching yet.

I have been preaching a series based on Max Lucado’s book Fearless. It has been so appropriate for me as this cancer has been my greatest fear and now God has given me peace in reminding me that I don’t have to fear because He’s in control. Thank you so much, every single one of you for your prayers, we are conscious of them daily. Please don’t stop!

Yes today is Good Friday, which now appears to be one of the most over looked calendar land marks. When I grew up in the UK, Good Friday was a national holiday ( I am not sure if it still is!). This made sure that anyone who wanted to could attend a service to remember the tragic and bloody events of the first Good Friday. When I came to the US I was staggered that even the major Christian organistion for which I worked did not consider Good Friday anything other than a normal workday. It was the easiest thing in the world for Good Friday to go by unnoticed.

It seems that we have surrendered to the culture that does everything possible to sanitize the truth. The sooner we get to Easter Sunday the sooner we can celebrate. BUT YOU CANNOT GET TO EASTER SUNDAY WITHOUT GOING THROUGH GOOD FRIDAY. There is no resurrection without the cross and the absolute death of the Son of God.

When I began this road, I asked God if He would enable me to continue preaching. Two Sundays ago I shared with the New Life family one of the biggest scares I’ve had since beginning this treatment. Friday afternoon, sermon was three quarters of the way finished and all seemed well for finishing on Saturday morning, as is my normal practice. But when I sat down at my desk on Saturday I discovered I was unable to think or put together an argument with which I could convince myself let alone anybody else. The more I prayed, the more I tried different techniques, the worse it got. Until in desperation I called one of our leaders and asked if there was an alternative for the next day. He graciously and promptly assured me that there was. I went home with a sense of relief but great disappointment and crawled into bed from which I was reluctant, at best, to resurface the rest of that day. About 3 o’clock in the morning I awoke with a strong sense that I could complete my sermon; this exciting information I shared with my sleepy wife who was kind enough to get up and make me a cup of tea. In those early hours I completed the work and was able to preach on Sunday. Once again God has demonstrated that He is in control, the timing is His and He is always faithful. This is just one example of the struggle I have had experiencing anxiety and depression as a result of this medication. As a pastor I have had many people share their own experiences of these things with me and ask that I pray for them. I have done so, but what they experienced had always been a mystery to me. To be honest I wished they had stayed a mystery. However, by God’s grace they have now become an area where I can have empathy not just sympathy.

At the beginning of this journey, someone was kind enough to send me a copy of Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Beauty Will Rise. These songs, written out of a monumental family tragedy, have often spoken encouragement to me. The song God is in Control is a wonderful example of this. I trust you’ll enjoy it.

· One of the most unusual of my fifty-eight birthdays

· I never thought I would ever find talking too tiring

· Otter pops are my favorite thing in the world right now

· Incredibly grateful that I can talk to my family in the UK via the amazing facilities of Skype. It really makes them feel not so far away.

· The most predictable part of every day is how much I look forward to getting into bed after treatment.

· How grateful I am for the prayers of so many of my friends all over the world; people who I’ve known for years, and people I’ve met just recently

· Thank you to Kathy and Mary Lu for the peace of a Reike treatment.

· How amazing God is that even when I fear that I’m not going to be able to make it through a Sunday, He always comes through. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

· Maggie’s perspective; I admit, I worried Jonathan was biting off too much when he went to preach on this last Sunday, but I forgot that God has this. He is more than able to speak through Jonathan even when Jonathan is not at full steam. And speak He did!

· Last week as I sat next to Jonathan during his treatment, we were listening to the song “Befriended”. The chorus goes, This will be my story, this will be my song. You’ll always be my savior. You will always have my heart. As I thought about those words it occurred to me that ‘this’, what we’re going through right now, becomes part of my/our story. God is , even now, weaving these darker colored patches into a beautiful whole story that sings of our great God. And our story is part of God’s BIG story that He invites us to be part of. The song goes on to say, Determined, determined now to live this life for you… And that’s how I feel. I am determined to live so that ‘this’ part of my story does testify of His goodness.

· Finally, one thing that has been kinda difficult for me, unexpectedly so, is not being able to make Jonathan food he wants to eat. He either doesn’t have any appetite or things he normally likes taste bad to him. I realize that when I love someone and want to make them feel better, I prepare them yummy/ healthy things to eat. Not being able to do that, especially when Jonathan feels so awful, has been tough.

· My first experience of depression and fatigue and I do not like it never thought I would have to take anti depressants!

· The realization dawned that this is the first week in January and some form of treatments stretch ahead for a year. Seems like a mountain to climb!

· How grateful I am that God has given me such good health for the first 57 years of my life

· Strange to receive a call from a doctor at 2:30 am asking that we visit the emergency because of a strange reading of my potassium level in a blood test the day before. Thank you God everything was ok just a hemolysed reading (Never thought I would use that word in a blog!!)

· How good it was to laugh really hard with friends on Thursday evening

· The 21 day fast is confused by the fact that nothing tastes the way it should to me and so I don’t really want to eat anything

· Not a good idea to park on the street outside Kaiser South San Francisco. My step-daughter was kind enough to drive to my treatment on Thursday and some body totaled her car while it was parked!

One more blog post that caught my attention was from Shannon Cunningham. Towards the end of last year she wrote a very insightful post entitled, “ Bloom Where you are Planted”. I was challenged by her reminder of how easy it is to look at what is happening to others and to wish that were me. Unfortunately there were more occurrences of that type of thing in my life than I like to remember. The most powerful of all was when I was looking for a church where to begin my time in the pastorate. I applied all over the place and came pretty close to a job on a number of occasions. On more that one occasion I wondered why the successful applicant got the job rather than me! And then I was introduced to little Pacifica Christian Church, not apparently looking for a pastor but needing someone to preach. OK I could do that but since they only had about 15 in attendance it would not be a place I could stay!! But God had other Ideas and within a couple of month I accepted the call to be their pastor. Yes God planted me here in Pacifica! I was a little reluctant to take root but I am so glad I did. God has blessed me beyond what I could have imagined in this beautiful little coast-side town. I used to joke that I was God’s most unfruitful plant as we experienced so little growth at first. But He found ways over and over again to reassure me that He had planted me and that was all that mattered. The last few years have been amazing as we have seen New Life Christian Fellowship birthed in the heart of God and begin to grow. Thank you Shannon for reminding me of the importance of blooming where God plants us. We are so looking forward to having you, Drew and little Carsyn blossoming with us!

Random thoughts from Interferon Week 1

· I don’t like flu now any more than the last time I had it even if it’s only for a few hours each day!

· How amazing it is to be given my infusion each day by Nurse Heide who makes a point of praying for all her patients

· It really was rather scary to get the shakes so bad that I could not speak on Tuesday.

· How grateful I am for the advice of a doctor friend about the advisability of some of the medication given me and for Kaiser staff who were willing to reconsider and make changes.

· What a humbling gift it is have so many people caring and praying both here and in different parts of the world.

· What a wonderful place my bed is when I don’t feel good.

· The incredible joy of having our whole family with us over these first days and of course the special joy of spending time with our adorable grandson Atticus, it really made the week.

· My gratitude beyond words for Maggie my amazing wife who is just always there and seems to know just what to do and say!

· How hard it was to say goodbye to our precious dog Odie just before treatment began, but even in that I can see the wisdom of God’s timing

· It’s great to be able to talk to my family in the UK, face to face, using Skype

· God answering my prayer and giving me the hours in the morning and early afternoon when I have reduced symptoms so I can prepare to preach on Sunday

Overall I am glad to have the first week, albeit a short one, under my belt. Our God continues to be so faithful and every place I go, every turn in the road, expected or unexpected, there is a sense He has been there before to prepare the way. Maybe I will have some more random musings after week 2, we shall see, but thank you so much, everyone of you, for your prayers, kindness and words of encouragement. They mean more than you will ever know.

It’s done! It took me just about 120 days because I slowed up at the end, but I finished as I read the final chapters of Revelation in the early morning of the first day of 2010. It sure has been an adventure and I have learned so much. I saw the reality of “The Big Story of God” in ways I never have before, its unity, its uniqueness and the unfolding revelation of the nature of God.

A few days ago I said I wanted to draw your attention to some blog posts from members of the New Life Family that had caught my attention. Well undoubtedly New Life’s most prolific and gifted blogger is Andy Lie. If you have followed his daily posts through the Ninety Day Bible, I know you have been blessed. But the post that caught my eye was the one he wrote entitled, “Ninety Days, Afterward”. In it he quotes Mark Batterson’s new book Primal as it refers to the amazing promises of God on the pages of scripture just waiting to be claimed.

As I read this, my mind turned to what, for me, was one of the most powerful themes to come from the 90 Day Bible; God’s overwhelming desire to be present with his people. I remembered the excitement I felt when I saw the repeated promises. First that He would be with the people of Israel. Then, at the ascension, Jesus’ promise He would be with us always. And finally those glorious verses in Revelation 21 that I read again this morning!

Rev. 21:3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

Rev. 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Rev. 21:5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

Over the past few weeks I have needed to remind myself of the promises of God’s presence repeatedly and I know that even when my trust wavers He never moves.

Last Sunday I posed some questions for our church family that I believe are crucial for us to consider as we enter a new calendar year. The questions are so important that leadership has felt led to call the church family to a 21 day fast to begin the year (Jan. 4-24). ( Full sermon can be heard here)

It was wonderful to recall and thank God for all the amazing things He has done at NLCF over the past year, significant increase in attendance and noticeable increase in commitment. Many are regular attenders where they were sporadic or just wondering if New Life was the place for them 12 months ago. Many are serving in ways they would not have dreamt about. New Life Kidz has doubled and we now have two men’s groups meeting weekly. The women’s Bible study is growing as well. We have considered together how we would change if we had “ One Month to Live” and read through the Bible in 90 (or maybe a few more, I finish tomorrow!) days . . . so here’s the challenge: Are we going to ask God to help us “do as well” in 2010 as we did in 2009 or are we going to ask him to stretch us further and take us deeper, so that at the end of 2010 we will again be excited and amazed at all the wonderful things He has done in us.

I sense very strongly, and the leadership share my conviction, that we must look to God for the latter. So we are calling for the 21-day fast as a stretch from the 7 days we have done in the past. Here are just a few of the thoughts I shared on the subject

· In Matthew 6 Jesus shares three things about a balanced Christian life; When you give … v2, When you pray . . .v6, When you fast . . .v16, implying that all of these will be part of normal living for those who follow Him.

· Each of these challenges our cultural norms in specific ways

o Giving vs. Getting and keeping,

o Praying vs. Assuming we know it all,

o Fasting vs. Consuming

“We mostly spend our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have, and to do. Craving, clutching and fussing . . . we are kept in perpetual unrest” Evelyn Underhill

· Fasting has, in recent years, been the most neglected of these three practices

· Jesus not only taught it, He practiced it Matt 4:1-2

· All through scripture the “major players” fasted at pivotal times in their ministry.

So here are a few things we should pray about as we prepare for this adventure:

What should we fast for? All the fasting we see in Scripture is for specific reasons, breakthrough, guidance, and repentance, to name but a few. Finding those reasons for you will give focus to your prayers and listening.

What should we fast from? There are many different models ranging from cutting out one meal each day through the Daniel fast, eating a diet of vegetables, fruit and whole grains and drinking only water, to the total fast where you drink only juices, clear broths and water.

• Remember, if your fast costs you nothing it will mean little in your relationship with God.
• Fasting is not dieting. Its principle function is to increase our intimacy with God; anything else is incidental.
• If you have never fasted before find a balance between the stretching God wants to do and what is possible. Remember this a start of what God intends to be part of the rhythm of our spiritual lives, which is a marathon not a sprint!! Like everything else He will grow us up step by step as we let Him.
• Biblical fasting focuses on food for good reason. For many, if not most of us, when we honestly look the things that “control” us, our desires for food and drink are high on the list. Jentzen Franklin’s description “King Stomach” is not far off and if stomach is king he needs to be dethroned! IF YOU HAVE DIETARY OR HEALTH ISSUES CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE DECIDING.
• There are other important things that can be included in the fast: TV, internet, negative speaking, to name but a few.
• BE SURE TO LET GOD GUIDE YOUR DECISIONS NOT “YOUR HUNGERS!!”

I pray that many of us will conclude, to quote Jentzen Franklin again, “You are probably not content to go through this year the way you went through last year, you know there is more!”

In my limited experience waiting and abstinence produce experiences and appreciation beyond our imagination. I look forward to experiencing God’s stretching and blessing with you.

Over the next few days I want to draw your attention to some recent posts from members of the New Life family that have captured my attention and challenged my thinking recently. The first is a post from Liz Howeth on the subject of fear. This honest account of the ways fear has prevented her from trying some things was powerful for me as I face what has been my greatest fear.

Ever since a close friend in the UK was diagnosed with leukemia and I watched his long fight and finally saw God call him home, fear of cancer has haunted me. Walking with Sarah (my first wife) through her four-year battle with the disease, only served to amplify my fear . . . and yet Jesus tells his disciples, and therefore me, repeatedly and in every sort of situation to “fear not”

Well I got “the call”, I had no choice but to face my fear, and I am grateful to have discovered in these first few weeks of living with my greatest fear, that everything Jesus tells his disciples is true. He does walk with you; He does reassure you that He has not forgotten. He surprises you as He picks you up at the down times and brings you peace when you need it most.

So it really doesn’t matter whether your fears are large or small. Whether you choose to face them or are forced to face them by circumstances outside your control, you will discover the amazing faithfulness of God and that He does not just say ”fear not” but He walks beside you, helping you to do just that.

““Don’t over do it!” Over the past few weeks I have heard this familiar phrase from many who love and care for me. When I started thinking about it, I found myself entering one of those 'more questions than answers' zones!! How do I know when I am about to…”over do it”? Where is the boundary between “under" (is there such a thing?) and “over” doing it?

Last Friday I think I experienced the consequences of “over doing it”. I was looking forward to going to my friend Josh Howeth’s graduation from Seminary (Congratulations Josh!!) but found myself in considerable discomfort when I came home from the office. Maggie and I decided that it would not be wise to go. Now how do I know that I overdid it or if the cause was something entirely different? Can you only recognize this phenomenon as you look in the rear-view mirror as you travel through the uncomfortable “ I overdid it “territory?

Whatever the answer to these perplexing matters, I was reminded that, although I don’t understand the vagaries of such things, someone else does! I confess I lay in bed on Friday wondering if I should cancel the leadership seminar I was to take on Saturday and (almost unthinkably!) find a substitute preacher for Sunday. However, God clearly had other ideas and I awoke on Saturday ready to teach the seminar and I was able to play a full part in Sunday’s service.

On Sunday afternoon I wondered if I was once again approaching the “unknowable line” of over doing it, but I am just glad that even in the land of the unknowable, I am in the hands of One to whom nothing is unknown!

Today I want to pay tribute to an amazing lady; I have to do it this way because circumstances are such that I am not able to be with her to celebrate her 80^th birthday. This lady is Kay Rouillard and she is Mag’s Mom. I have only known her for about three years but a more marked antithesis of all that is said about mothers in law could not be found! I did not have the privilege of meeting her husband, Maggie’s father, as she lost him more that twenty years ago, but I have had the joy of beginning to get to know, not just her but the wonderful family that reflect the character she has modeled for them. From the first time I met her, although it was clear that I was hoping to take her precious daughter to live in San Francisco, she was the epitome of warmth and kindness. She has welcomed me into her home, whether or not Mags was with me, with the same love and care. Kay, your daughter is the greatest wife imaginable and I know that much of this is a consequence of the example you set for her to follow. I hope you have a really wonderful birthday and are able to receive the love and honor from your family that you so richly deserve.

So today has not been so good. I am grateful that the healing process from the surgery is proceeding just as the doctor said it would. But as l talk with those who know about the interferon treatment, it seems that the month of January will be like four weeks with the “equivalent of swine flu.” It’s a little daunting. How do I prepare for that? What is that going to do to my precious family, to say nothing of my church family? And then there are the survival statistics. But I read :

“And we know that in all things God works for the good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”                                                                                       Romans 8:28.

That’s includes me, right? So why does it not seem like that? Guess I have to remember that God’s purpose and God’s good may not be the same as my choices and that God’s best in the short term can include my discomfort. In His big picture (that’s eternity I believe) it will be better than I can imagine.

In his second letter to the Corinthians Paul writes this:

He [Jesus] comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.

We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. 2 Cor. 1 4-6 MSG

To continue the story, in case some of you have not heard, I had some more tissue taken from my heel and the sentinel lymph nodes taken from my left groin. Both nodes had metastatic melanoma present so they ordered a PET scan which came back clear, Praise God. Yesterday I had dissection of the rest of the lymph nodes in my left groin and I am now recovering at home. God provided wonderful staff at Kaiser South City that made the 24hr visit as pleasant as possible under the circumstances. As soon as I have recovered, I am to begin interferon five days a week for a month and then subcutaneously three times a week for the rest of the year, so it looks to be an interesting year.

As I have thought about the events of the past few weeks, in one sense it feels like everything has changed. I have had more visits to the doctor in the past ten days than I had in the last ten years and the hospital promises to be my second home for the next year! Suddenly that unconscious sense that life will go on forever has been shaken into the reality that whatever the prognosis, it may have more finite boundaries than I once thought.

But then again, I still feel as good as I did three weeks ago and, apart from a few missing pieces, my body has undergone very little change. All the changes have taken place in what I know rather than what ­is. All this amounts to a sharp reminder that I am no more in control of my health (or anything else for that matter!) now than I was three weeks ago.

So I have a challenge once again; To live the faith that I share from the pulpit; To remember again that believing God exists is not the same as trusting the God that exists; And to reaffirm my confidence that God has a plan and it’s a big one. He does not promise fair, comfortable or comprehensible, but He does promise to walk with us if we will let Him.

In his book “If God is Good” Randy Alcorn makes this stark statement, “If you base your faith on lack of affliction, your faith lives on the brink of extinction and will fall apart because of a frightening diagnosis or a shattering phone call. Token faith will not survive suffering, nor should it.” He continues, ”I have sympathy with those who lose their faith but any faith lost in suffering wasn’t a faith worth keeping.” I am grateful to God for a faith that has been strengthened by the struggles of the past and I trust will be further strengthened by the journey ahead.

I have had this call three times already, once concerning my late wife Sarah, and then in turn for each of my two sisters. However when the subject of the call is you it adds a completely new dimension to your response!

A few weeks ago I asked my doctor about a mark on my heel just to be sure that it was not connected to my Type 2 Diabetes. Following tests on this, seemingly insignificant, mark on my heel that I got “that call” to inform me that it was in fact a melanoma. The implications of that call have not been far from my mind ever since and I would be lying if I suggested to you that even now I have it sorted out in my mind. However I do want to share with you some thoughts as we walk down this path, I feel sure they will at times seem weird and muddled, but then life is rather like. The next few weeks and months will include surgery, interferon treatments and no doubt more doctors visits than I have made in my entire life to date but more of that in the days to come.

For now just two things; firstly it has been impressed on me so clearly that this did not come as any surprise to our Heavenly Father and I remain convinced that He and He alone is in control. Yes from where I sit there seems to be every reason to question that . . . but then I never questioned it three years ago when I met and fell in love with Maggie who is just the greatest gift anyone could have dreamed of.

So it seems my options are to believe that God is firmly in control whether I like, understand or consider His actions fair. Or, the alternative, which is to conclude that all to these things, are just the result of some indiscriminate and random series of coincidences. For me the latter is far more frightening and difficult to believe so I choose to trust the God who has always proved faithful through the worst as well as best of times of my life so far.

The second is a few verses that God brought to Maggie’s attention on the day of my first surgery They were repeated quite independently to us by my mother from the other side of the Atlantic. I hope you will take encouragement from them for whatever situation you are facing at this time.

But now, this is what the LORD says — he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; Isaiah 43:1-3a

I am hoping to be able to share more random thoughts with you as the time goes on but for now, just know that you are in my prayers that you will have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that God will bless you and reveal Himself to you in unexpected ways